You really aren’t supposed to say ‘um’. While the speaker doesn’t realize that he’s said it, the listener, who is waiting for a response, can find it rude or distracting.
Even more so, ‘um’ is not something used in written communications. You don’t need to stall, as you are writing at your own pace. You can craft the words to make your message appropriate.
When you do say ‘um’, it means you are thinking. Or stalling. Or stalling that is supposed to look like thinking.
If the listener thinks you are thinking, the delay is probably acceptable. If she thinks you are stalling, well, that’s not good!
Enough stalling
What I really want to get to is this: I’ve found myself writing ‘um’ in a few emails and instant-messages recently. Usually in response to direct questions for information or help by colleagues. I might have used it commenting on other folks’ blogs, too.
I already know the answer when I start typing. I’ve added the ‘um’ to indicated that I understand their question is a thoughtful one. And to indicate that my response is also thoughtful.
What I fear is that my ‘um’ sounds more like a stall, a delay to the response that is there when someone is thinking ‘this is an easy question, but I need to stall to make it look harder than it is’. Could it make me sound arrogant?
The internet has begot us emoticons, which I’ve used as well, when words fail to communicate the tone of what I am writing. (I once posted here wishing there was a rolling-eyes emoticon.) Similarly, this ‘um’ is a crutch to communicate tone. And just like communicating in person, it can still be interpreted different ways.
Summing it up:
Well, I have no summation. This is just a concern/issue in the back of my head. I want to appear thoughtful. I don’t want to sound arrogant. Which is it? I don’t know.
Love the candor, Dave. Aside from just “UM” usage, this post sparks thoughts relating to over all IM appropriatemess in the the bid-ness world. (Oh, the impact of spelling!) Here’s Something I dug up 4 U and ur R3aderz:< HREF="http://pcworld.about.com/news/May302002id99405.htm" REL="nofollow">Instant Messaginig Etiquette<>
well, um … I’m voting for contemplativeness. It makes us appear, um … more intellectual.
well, um … I’m voting for contemplativeness. It makes us appear, um … more intellectual.
Heya Clare, thanks for the link. I think I am doing what they suggest already.And howdy Larry. Figured a CTM would have something to say about proper speech.
Heya Clare, thanks for the link. I think I am doing what they suggest already.And howdy Larry. Figured a CTM would have something to say about proper speech.
Dave, Interesting thought.My goal is simply to communicate. If something seems to bring the right feel for what I want to convey, I do it. For me, I think a key on the “um” issue, is, Is it real? It is conversational?If those two questions are affirmative, then I probably won’t worry.If it’s distracting to others, then I would worry, and try to get rid of what is probably a bad habit. ha.
Dave, Interesting thought.My goal is simply to communicate. If something seems to bring the right feel for what I want to convey, I do it. For me, I think a key on the “um” issue, is, Is it real? It is conversational?If those two questions are affirmative, then I probably won’t worry.If it’s distracting to others, then I would worry, and try to get rid of what is probably a bad habit. ha.